Where Have the Sane Men Gone!

So for quite awhile now, I have been fumbling with the idea of turning this space into something "more than a fashion blog". I want to share my thoughts and experiences and hopefully someone can relate or just, enjoy.

So, let's start with this picture right here. This was how excited I was to go on my first Match.com date. Yes, I tried online dating on a slow night at work when two of my coworkers told me how they had met their spouses online and convinced me, that online dating could be wonderful and all this great things...yeah right!

First couple of days on Match was exciting for sure! Lots of cute guys winking at you, liking your picture or even messaging you. Sounds great right? I thought so too, and I agreed to meet one of said cute guys...after a couple of weeks of chatting of course (I'm single, not stupid). 

It's been awhile since I went on a first date (hey, don't judge!) that I needed to ask my fellow blog mates ViviChiChi and Val on our group chat about first date outfit ideas and oh boy the ideas were plenty! But I went with a fellow coworkers idea of a simple dress and heels. Honestly, I was glad of my outfit choice since I looked uber girlie and my date was effusive with compliments.

Sounds good so far right? And honestly it was! The first date was a success, we went to one of my favorite restaurants, saw a movie afterward (without any awkward arm on the shoulder kind of thing),  and walked around chatting and sipping on one of my favorite drinks ever...Thai bubble tea!
So, at this point I'm thinking "date number two coming right up!" And it did...that's when it all went to hell.

Second date was much more casual and unplanned as I was at the mall just browsing *cough cough* but he called me up and just casually asked to join me. Now mind you, I was super casual that day and while I am all for natural beauty, best believe I made good use of the Sephora makeup counters that day. I'm sure people who saw me going in thought it was a different person coming out lol. But he came over and looked so good too! Jackpot bells were ringing in my head! Until he opened his mouth.

Error #1
I have one, single weakness whenever I go to the mall and that is...cinnabons? I think that's what they're called. You know, the extra soft, gooey with cinnamon, fresh out the oven type! I'm hungry just thinking about it. But on the occasions that i go to the mall, I always stop over and grab one. So we're walking dow the mall, hand in hand, he's looking at me all sexily until I utter the apparently turn off word for men
 "Ohhh, I want a cinnabon". 
His eyes went from sexy to disapproving in .0 seconds. And he opens his mouth and says 
"You don't need to be eating that". 
Dead silence...cos it took me a minute to process those words you know, my brain cells were scrambling to comprehend what he just said to my face and all I could say was 
"Excuse me?". 
Then he went on and dug the grave open even more by saying, 
"I mean you're gorgeous now, but you should just stay that way and not gain anymore weight". 
At this point i think my mouth is just gaping open and now that I think about it, so many come backs are on the tip of my tongue but that day I was literally speechless so I said,
"Whatever, i'm gonna get some cinnabons anyways"
So I did. But at this point, I'm turned off, and trying to talk myself out of walking out on him. I could just picture my bestie saying 
"You judged him too quickly, one statement does not a man make"
So, I stayed walking with him (no holding of hands at this point) and I decided to give him a mental test. 

Error #2
As we were walking past Godiva chocolate (yep, I'm a trouble starter I know) I decided that it was the perfect time to give him the test. Funny enough, I am not a chocolate girl. I occasionally, very occasionally indulge but it's an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing for me and I have never gone into a Godiva chocolate store before but that day i decided that it was the perfect place for our test, so I said to him
"I want some chocolate"
You should have heard his puff of disapproval. I think he went a little red in the face and said to me
"No, you're not getting any"
Again, my brain cells were not prepared for that so no smart comeback and I went with
"Excuse me?" 
To this he said
"Aren't you worried about your weight? I mean you're pretty now but you need to be watching what you eat so you don't gain any weight"
I think he saw the volcano brewing on my face and decided that the best way to diffuse the situation was to say even more!
"I mean, I'm a health freak and I care about you and want you to be healthy as well. You need to make better choices about what you eat and you're already overweight. Plus you need to exercise more"
After that vomit of garbage, my brain cells rose to the occasion and I replied
"I don't understand what makes you think you have the right to talk to me about this and I am under the impression that YOU saw my pictures before YOU messaged and YOU asked for the first date and again YOU asked for this second date. So why are you now sounding like someone ripped you off and the wrong person showed up. You have zero rights to tell me what or what not to eat even if you claim to care about me. You came to the conclusion that I was unhealthy based on a few hours in my company? For all you know, I could be the healthiest person you know and spend all my free hours at the gym but because I don't look like a poster girl for health and fitness, you assume that I am unhealthy and need to be fixed?"
Well, I said something along those lines lol
I think he tried to say some more at this point, but I walked into the Godiva store and came out with way more chocolate than I could eat and I found him standing outside so I said
"In case you didn't get the memo, that was your cue to leave me alone and delete my number."

He tried contacting me several times after that epic disaster but I deactivated my match account and blocked his number. Some friends that I have shared this with say that i was too rash and should have given him a chance. A chance to do what? I have a very vivid imagination and all that time he was spewing his nonsense, I kept imagining a future with someone like that. Never being able to order food in his presence or always anxious about what he thinks about your food choices or your weight.

Now, I am very much in favor of supportive spouses who are truthful and honest in their reproach but that takes time and trust to build. I have no qualms hearing from someone I've been with for years who knows me from all my different weights telling me to watch out for that chocolate bar but someone I've only met twice for a total of about 5 hours? Hell no!

What do you think? Do you think I over reacted and should have given him another chance? Or give online dating another chance?

If you want more stories about my experiences, let me know! I have them to share lol

Thanks for stopping by!


Unknown said...

I totally would have done the same thing. But probably would have exited well before the Godiva run. On the other hand, I met my fiancé on a dating app. I was pleasantly surprised because I was the biggest skeptic of them all. I think you should give it another try.

Madam Too Much said...

Not all men are created equal and he was out from the cinnabon counter. He was just too much too soon. I know of 3 Ladies who met their soul mates on a dating site, so give it another try.

Ola Dipo said...

@April Antoinette wow...you met one of the good ones then lol

Ola Dipo said...

@Mz Neti I'm iffy about it, but I'll think about it lol

Unknown said...

I agree with what you did!!! I understand how you feel. I have been on several dating sites and have not had 1 good experience yet. I believe it's the men in the DMV area. I have several friends outside of this area that has been very successful with online dating sites.

Wish you the best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I mean, maybe he was a little direct but, you do look like you're getting a little too pudgy.

Anonymous said...

This is an excellent time to elucidate a key difference between men and women. First of all, I'm a man. Secondly, he was out of line. But thirdly, he's right. Hear me out though. Men and women are different and something that men usually learn young depending on his culture and where he's from, is that women do not take kindly to criticism, no matter where it's coming from. Some cultures have their men very forward, while others are not so much. That man was probably, subconsciously, trying to assert his dominance.

Even I am struggling to hold back a comment that I hope he was black (I'm black so you know I'm rooting for our people) even though I don't know you at all and its none of my business. Men spend most of our lives being criticized, corrected, reprimanded, cajoled and coerced into the 'correct' path of doing things, if not from our fathers then from our jobs etc. Women usually live a different, more coddled life. Its just nature. Everyone loves women, but no one gives a damn about you if you're a man unless you can do something for them.

Here's why I say he's right. The food you were eating is not good for you. At all. Hear me out. Cinnabons, chocolate etc. are all heavily processed garbage that adds weight and disrupts your hormones. If you made your OWN cinnabons with organic, simple ingredients, that would be a completely different story, but avoiding processed food is the number one way to a happy and healthy life. I disagree with an above poster that you're getting 'too pudgy'. You're right up my alley honestly, but I agree with homeboy saying you should watch what you eat. Not for your weight's sake, but for your health's sake. I mean, we've all got the internet now, just buy one of those cinnabons and google five of the ingredients and their health effects. If you ever touch a cinnabon after that I'll give you a hundred dollars.

Unless the guy was white, which in that case you deserved a bad date! ;)

Yana said...

Ahem... I happen to have been following your journey and know that you have made great strides in losing weight. You don't need someone to coach you on how to do it, what to eat, what not to eat.

Pros: he is honest and says what he thinks

Cons: he did not pose it like a suggestion "cinnabons are soooo sugary, what do you think about us hitting up the fro yo stand"

It was a command he wanted you to obey and was pissed that you didn't. He is controlling, you did the right thing.

E said...

I meant to type inherent misogyny

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